The Leaking of a Mother’s Heart

 

The atrocities of our past keep leaking on the streets of our today! The lines are ever so blurred, to the point of stigmatism, farsightedness, and nearsightedness of what many are consciously choosing NOT to see. THIS IS CALLED BLANTANT BLINDNESS!!! 

We have a Lost Generation | Loss Generation! NOTE: Before you hit that reply button, pick-up a Thesaurus and feel the leak of this mother’s heart. This is not one of those degrading post, but one to awaken our hearts to prayer and action.

If the people of God are perpetrating, as if the News stations apply to ‘them’ [others] and not us [you] as an individual, we are a people ever so blinded by a shield of ignorance coupled with severe arrogance. As I peeped at the calendar this morning, it reminded me, that in 2-weeks and 3-days, my baby brother WOULD HAVE BEEN 32-years old, had the atrocities of our past NOT leaked on to My Street. What I’m referring to is the ethnic analysis a segment of society has rendered more expendable than others.

There is dilapidation so many African-American families (not to say, the sense family is only decaying in the black family, I can only walk a mile in my own shoes). We have forfeited our sense of morals, integrity, togetherness [our village] and love for one another. We began to take on the persona of what we so carelessly thought was the better way, to the detriment of our legacies. No, I am not advocating as a people we need to rehearse the 60’s, but I am advocating being more relatable and relational with what we call Lost |Loss. Because, what we are labeling loss | lost, is about each of our heritage.

Let me share a bit of reality: I Am a Black Mother with a Leak in My Heart! As a mother of three, two being African-American males and the grandmother of two African American | Caucasian males, there is a NEED to teach them how to live and survive in this 21^st century with the atrocities of our past leaking into our present.

Things I Had to Teach you, Son…

·         Know your worth! Why, because I speak life to you not Defeat!

·         Intelligence sits on the front row of the class! Just trying to get by sits at the back of the class. Know your worth!

·         You will have to study twice as hard; the standardized tests are not equivalent to the outdated education you are receiving in the Hood. Know Your Worth!

·         You are more than a sport (football, basketball, baseball, tennis, golf, etc.)! Use it as an apparatus, to move upward, without the guilt from those of the Hood. Know Your Worth!

·         As you Rise, don’t compromise your morals and integrity. Know Your Worth!

·         As you are FORCED to Code Switch in the boardroom, don’t lose you! Know Your Worth!

·         As you Rise economically, be careful in your new gated community and don’t tint your windows too dark on your new Aston Martin DB9 and the family care, your Bentley Continental GT, because it’s possible for you to be mistaken as an intruder and a thief, even in the daylight. But, Know your Worth!

·         And, in case You, My Son allow life to deal you a spoonful of vinegar, due to life decisions, remember you can recover from a fall…Know Your Worth!

·         To My Carmel grandbabies, You love your families because in your little cocoon it’s all you know. Know Your Worth…

·         When society tries to categorize your ethnicity and tries to persuade you to choose sides…Know Your Worth is in Both Sides!!!

·         I need you to pull your pants up, Not because I don’t like it, but because there is a stereotype, which says you are expendable based on your expression of self…Know Your Worth!

·         When you are walking down the street, turn your hat around so you are NOT categorized…Know Your Worth!

·         Carry your backpack like a school boy, on both shoulders, NOT to be categorized…Know Your Worth!

·         Understand the uniform in the neighborHOOD schools, is not who you are…Know Your Worth!

·         When test, do your Best because your scores are being analyzed to determine if you are a candidate for the next generation Penal Institutions…Know Your Worth!

·         Don’t ALLOW your neighborHOOD school teacher to make your feel inferior, many are at your at-risk school, so their Student Loans will be paid in full…Know Your Worth!

·         This is Dedicated to All My Sons and Carmel Grandbabies trying to survive in the Jungle of this thing WE call Life…Never Forget Your Worth…Know Your Worth! 

Signed, A Leak in My Heart

Open Heart Surgery

We guard our hearts because it is the life line of our soul...It is the well-spring of our existence.

But, too many times in the guarding process, we are really bandaging our hearts instead of allowing the Master Physician to perform open heart surgery. The guarding process turns into building a bullet proof encasement where we set our hearts. This stalls the healing process and one walks through life in a state of numbness...believing it's better not to feel.

Many don't realize that what we conceal can NEVER be healed! The encasement becomes too small to hide our wounds on a continuous basis. One responds to things in their immediate environment based on the tragedy of the past. It is imperative for one to NOT allow the past to defined by their present...To put it bluntly one must not be defined by their DNA...

Really? Yes really!!! Life becomes our most profound teacher, when we recognize that sometimes it is those who say they Love Us, who damage us the most.

Learning to accept people for who and what they are, we begin to limit our expectations. We cannot expect something from a person without knowing if he/she is capable of giving at that level. Lessons learned: When people show you who they are, BELIEVE THEM!!! 

One must learn to allow people to be who they are without any expectations. Each of us can ONLY love on the level, in which we are exposed. Meaning, for most, if love or anything in life was taught, learned, or received in limitation, then usually one can only relieve in limitation. But,  truly believing one can expand their capabilities by exposure. For instance, life cannot take a person anywhere they are unwilling to allow new experiences.

Pulling off the bandages of shame, hurt, dis-ease, fakeness, and whatever else hinders from knowing the reflection staring back at one through this mirror of life.

Signed,

Found the Healing Key, in Loving Me Some Me

 

Memories of Yester-Year...

Memories of Yester-Year...

Over the last few days I have found myself reminiscing about yester-year. Our memories, though hidden from those we surround, are a POWERFUL apparatuses to bring a smile to our faces. As my mind ruminates, so much encompasses myobservance of those who laid the bricks of the path for my lineage.  

This deep concentration is causing me to pose my own set of ‘why’s’ which I believe I already have an answer. I dedicate this reflection to some closer than close love-ones…They were examples for ‘US’ [family] and our future generations. Many things were infinite to them! To name a few: Love, Family, Togetherness, God, Work, Entrepreneurship, Helpers, Givers, Providers and…the list is immeasurable. There impartation of family, love and caregiver was so phenomenal, there are many attempting to mimic the walk. Though we can NEVER be them per say, but we can exhibit and pass on their tenaciousness of NEVER giving up. We are their Legacy! Does this mean we will or need to be perfect…NEVER; but what it does mean is when life dispenses a summons for our failure, we MUST retaliate with a dagger to the heart of the ‘Issues of Life’ trying toterminate our Purpose and Destiny. Purpose and Destiny belong to Us and we only lose if we quit. WE WIN, IF WE DON’T QUIT!!!  

There will ALWAYS be ‘Issues & Tissues!’ Let the tears stream into the tissues and stay focused because the current issue will subside. Remember, weeping but a night and joy always come in the morning…the length and depth of each person’s weeping and the arrival of morning is diverse for each.

First, we owe God the endurance of never quitting! And, we should honor our trailblazers by pursuing life at all cost…This journey WILL cost Us something…The question is: Are you willing to travel the narrow road into Purpose and Destiny?

Signed,

Tenacious About My Journey

The Roar Inside...

In My Feelings, Again!!! A few weeks ago I wrote a post “No More Bipolar Walks.” So, You

already know the trials have come and went, and on and on…but I have truly learned this journey is not about whether or not I feel it. It’s about what I believe and having the faith to persevere, even at the midnight hour. There are days or should l say weeks that it seems my head is about to explode because of ALL I desire to accomplish. This has been one of those weeks. There is much encompassing my mind; projects, reaching out to those less fortunate, loving on those who are lost and of course, teaching the Word of God. Yes, doors are opening….But, it seems as though something is missing…#InMyFeelings

I must admit this journey is TEACHING MEthat I can be my own BEST Cheerleader or my own WORSE Enemy…As the words to an old hymnal goes, “Sometimes you have to Encourage Yourself.” But, I would be ‘Faking the Funk,’ if I didn’t admit it would be nice to have those who walk and talk with one daily to see the tenaciousness of your moving and shaking…**Shrugs Shoulders** Regardless, if others see it or not, I Must Keep Pushing, if not, I will always be living a Dream Deferredwithout every seeing it come to Fruition.

Just in My Feelings, so I decided to write…writing seems to be the peace to my soul (other than the word of God). This is my Vent…

My ‘Me’ Prayer: Father, Thank you for making me righteous and accepted though the Blood of Jesus. Because of that, I and blessed and highly favored by You. I am the Object of Your affection. Your favor surrounds me as a shield and the first thing people come in contact with is my favor shield. People will go out of their way to bless me; doors that were once closed are now open. I have preferential treatment and special privileges; no good things SHALL be withheld from me. I have supernatural increase and promotion. I declare restoration of everything the enemy has stolen; I have increase of assets and expansion of territories in every area of my life…I have Great victories, supernatural turnarounds and miraculous breakthroughs in the mist of great impossibilities. Petitions are granted to me even by ungodly authorities. Policies, rules, regulations and laws are changed and reversed on my behalf. I am winning battles that I don’t have to fight, because God fights them for me. Today and everyday forth is my appointed time…the best days, set time and designated moments for me to experience the FREE FAVORS of God…#Selah

Signed,

The Roar of the Lioness 

#Breakthrough #Freedom #Vision #WalkingItOut #Smile #Cry #JustDontQuit

Dear God

Thank you for the opportunity to Celebrate the Day of Our Risen Savior. Many dressed to impress and attended a worship service on what is known to us as Easter Sunday. In the natural sense, this day of celebration for many has come and gone, but for those we revel Jesus on a daily basis, there is Much work to do. For those who are called | chosen to the frontlines, there is a tug in the Soul to feed the people of God. Many hear the cry, but few a compelled to respond… Matthew 9:36-38 (NKJV) “But when He saw the multitudes, He was moved with compassion for them, because they were weary and scattered, like sheep having no shepherd. Then He said to His disciples, “The harvest truly is plentiful, but the laborers are few. Therefore pray the Lord of the harvest to send out laborers into His harvest.” Father, there is a ‘War Cry’ coming from the people! They are crying unto you wandering in a wilderness of the abyss of their minds, their past, their failures, their loneness and emptiness, etc. They are wondering if anyone, someone can hear their cries. God, wants those who are crying out to know there are a people who “…have not forgotten You, Nor have we dealt falsely with Your [God’s] covenant. Our heart has not turned back, Nor have our steps departed from Your [God’s] way…” Psalm 44:17-18 (NKJV). A Prayer for those on the Frontline of Ministries… Father, Thank you for your Favor! Luke 2:52 “And Jesus increased in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and men.” Father, you said we are made in your image; therefore, the same SHALL be for the people doing the work. Thanking for favor, finances, and hearts to acknowledge You in ALL our ways, so You will continually direct our paths. As we go forth to do the work, No Weapons formed against SHALL BE ABLE to Prosperous in the Name of your Name Jesus Christ. Father, never ALLOW the hearts of those You appointed to minister the Word, to negate from the process of ALLOWING the Oil to flow from “The Head, Downward.” Let Us be mindful of the direction that our Oil is flowing…Never allowing for our individual prosperity to outweigh the prosperity of the souls we are called to speak life. Let our words, our actions, our character, our integrity be so positively contagious that those who come into contact with our mere shadows catch on fire for the gospel. Thank you, Father for making room for each of our gifting’s. Father, “Your kingdom come. Your will be done On earth as it is in heaven. Give us This day our daily bread. And forgive us our debts, As we forgive our debtors,” Matthew 6:10-12 (NKJV). Signed, On The Frontline

Dedicated to @forbrowngirls #KarynWashington

No More Bipolar Walks...

Once upon lifetime, the season dispelled one’s level of commitment as a ‘Believer.’ When people are confined by Religion, their Christian walk has a tendency to resemble a ‘Bipolar or Discombobulated Walk. *Bipolar: characterized by opposite extremes, as two conflicting philosophies [beliefs].  One mimics what others say about their calling, purpose, destiny, friends, family, etc.

Can you relate?  If one is not conscience, the seasons will determine one’s walk. In the Fall and Winter the obligation of one’s walk ‘Figuratively’ represented a incongruent level of dedication from their Spring and Summer stride. Why call it an obligation? Because many function in an obligated state of mind to hold the words downloaded into their spirit, instead of feeling as though one made a life choice or decision to change their personal course. Wisdom helps one know the difference between the desires of their heart vs the wants of others. The ideas of others will cause one to abort their desires to fulfill others. Calling this the discounted version of self…placing one on the clearance rack of life, to fulfill the full design cost of others.   

Fall | Winter meant a consecrated relationship, with the Master Visionary! Spring | Summer was like someone erased the hard drive on one’s computer and disconnected the monitor…there were no connections. Everything pricey about the walk was transferred to the clearance rack. Better catch it while you can…winter is coming! Living in the Moment before the hibernation of Winter…

Then, the introduction of a relationship vs. operating in the façade of religion compelled the heart. Thank you, Jesus! Relational teaching, taught one balance and an introspective viewpoint. Being taught how to live once the ‘Tongue’ done and the ‘Dance’ is over; how to confront Real Life issues that were walking around one’s home and stirring defeat eye to eye. Understanding the palpitations of one’s own heart…#NoMoreBipolarWalks! Finding the rhythm of one’s own heartbeat…is liking to loosing the child in a candy store. Full Throttle, Baby!

Lesson Learned: No longer allowing anyone to download their perspectives of ‘My Life,’ without seeking the ‘Master Visionary of My Life.’  

Matthew 6:32-34 (NKJV) ³² For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. ³³ But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. ³⁴ Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.

Had it NOT been for God’s Amazing Grace…

Thou one may Walk through the Valleys of the Shadows of Death, never dwell in them…Especially, not the Valley of Religion…

Signed,

Living in His Grace

Bleeding Internally...

So you plugged leak! Unwilling to bleed on others any longer, one becomes their own physician. Functioning in a mode of numbness, but the reality remains there’s a severe trauma. That moment one realizes by the spoken words of someone else, there’s a leak in their building.

Bleeding Internally due to the severe trauma of yester-year, because of the old adage, time heals all wounds…one decides to fix the injury with over-the-counter apparatuses.

 

A few laughs with friend girls, retail therapy, glasses of wine, social isolation, weekend trips to visit family/friends, etc…the list is extensive!

 “Internal Bleeding is one of the most serious consequences of trauma. Usually, the bleeding results from obvious injuries that require rapid medical attention. Internal bleeding may also occur after a less severe trauma …Some internal bleeding due to trauma stops on its own. If the bleeding continues or is severe, surgery is required to correct it,” www.webmed.com.  

 Realizing, the progression of this trauma has reached its final stages, requiring surgery from the ‘Greatest Physician’ of all times. For the word instructs in Jeremiah 33:6 Behold, I will bring it [you] health and healing; I will heal them and reveal to them the abundance of peace and truth. Luke 5:31 Jesus answered and said to them, “Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. Beyond the definition of sick, the bleeding around the heart was/is requiring emergency surgery. As the bleeding was continuous, symptoms became visible and steadily getting worse.

In need of a Thoracotomy, there was an immediate need to give the Great Physician access. He needed to make an incision along the breastbone, to gain access to the chest cavity. Once granted access, God is/was able to “identify and stop the bleeding to protect the heart and lungs from [the] pressure caused by the excess [bleeding].”

 God’s Grace is Sufficient…

 

Signed,

Needing to Feel & Breathe, Again!

 

 

The Melodies of Life...

Just like Chocolate, you’re so sweet!!! The things that make the little girl in a grown woman blush. Yes, he noticed…he noticed the affixation with Snickers candy bars and Coke Cola. He noticed the simple things; how one would eat the chocolate from around the nugget of caramel and peanuts. He would wink at and make the heart skip a few beats. He made getting up going to work EXCITING. He made a Grown Woman | Little Girl at Heart, want to be on her ‘Stylish Game’ Every Day. She was from a different place with a different twist…And, he was intrigued…

There was just one slight glitch; in the words of ‘Erykah Badu,’ She was already someone else’s girl…

But, She was fascinated at the idea of two men being in love with her at the same time, so she wasn’t sensible enough to say, “I’m already someone else’s girl…see you next lifetime.”

She was functioning in the fantasy of having the best of both worlds. Without adding any unnecessary details, one ALWAYS reap what is sowed; for the heartache one causes, someone else, U reap, reap, U reap and U reap…And, U weep, U weep, U weep…

Galatians 6:7-9 (NKJV) “Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap. For he who sows to his flesh will of the flesh reap corruption, but he who sows to the Spirit will of the Spirit reap everlasting life. And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart."

One lives and learns every area of the above scripture. Oh so you thought church girls were always church girls, unfortunately not! But, to say this, she was definitely in a downward spiral because at this time in life, one was undeniably mature enough to know better. Being introduced to the Lord at the age of 21 years and at occurrence, one was all of 29 or 30. KNOWING THESES ACTIONS COULD POSSIBLY CAUSE AN ERUPTION, AS THAT OF A VOLCANO…But having one’s cake, ice cream, candy, and the ability to eat and drink it all. WOOSAH!!!

It’s amazing how one categorically separates and justifies ones actions or inactions…Not being legally married to a person doesn’t allow one to create a recipe for disaster. The cake will explode…Explosions cause pieces of each to land in undesirable places. In silence, there was someone PRAYING for GOD’s RECIPE OF INTERVENTION!

Usually, there is always someone who sees one’s contaminating behaviors…Someone knew there was more to the little childish shenanigans, than what was visible to the naked eye. Prayers of the righteous availeth MUCH…PRAYERS saved A life (R.I.P. Madea)!

And, although Mr. ‘Just Like Chocolate you’re So Sweet’ and the Grown Woman | Little Girl at Heart married 7-months later; The Melodies of Life would quickly change to a ‘Live Dramatic Reality.’ In spite of one’s played out Shenanigans, the afflicted/infected took the secret to their grave!

Signed,

 A Healing for one’s Soul…

Broken: Expressions of A Daughter's Journey

Spindling through this thing called life…

Feelings of connection to a device, in which all the bolts were breaking one by one and as they break, the things of life were crumbling like a clump of desert dirt. It was though everyone around was pursuing their dreams and accomplishing some sort of significance. It was as if life stopped for me as others pursued destiny. Although, life was stale as a dishcloth left lying on the side of a sink. Not only did life stink but also it was stiff and dry posing as defeat.

With the mass communication of clutter clinging around in my brain, a young person entering the first real achievement of time is in turmoil. Searching for self but lost in a windfall somewhere around the age of 14 years old. Probably several years prior…but the addiction to acceptance by others set in, in the worse kind of way.

My emotions and mind-set were tossed back and forth as leaves on a branch in a windstorm. There was molestation, sexual addictions, recreational drug use, need to get paid syndrome, promiscuity, alcohol, shoplifting and shopping. Beauty is only skin deep, but outward attractiveness became my enemy. It felt like a curse instead of a blessing. My insides felt like a corroded battery cable inhibiting any charge of forgiveness for myself. As life was permeating defeat into the core of my soul, I was fixated with me; the all about ‘Me’ syndrome, along with, being in the ‘in’ crowd. No One Around Knew the WARING SIGNS OF SELF-DESTRUCTION. Truly, I was self-incinerating. Family, friends of the family, enemies, haters, boyfriends [users & abusers]…they all had their definition of why someone with so much potential was reducing herself to ashes.

  The word of God says, He knew and called me while I was in my mother’s womb (But when God, who set me apart from my mother’s womb and called me by his grace, was pleased…, Galatians 1:15, NIV). Still I find myself saying, Lord, Lord, who am I? This is ALL About Me...I, Karen

Sign, In-To-Me-See

Another Day's Journey

Good Morning to All, This morning starts the journey of freedom or possible incarceration for a young male in my family. I'm troubled by what appears to be a plague hanging over the male linege in the family. It's making me petition God for an answer. Is there a generation curse that has not be broken? Is this an assignment to destroy those who are appointed to be the heads of our families. Destroy the head and the body begins to gradually become discombobulated. Then, my heart speaks loudly saying "Does it really matter whether it's a generational curse or an assignment sent by the enemy?" Both will have the same outcome if no one does anything. A house divided against its self cannot stand...likewise a Family Divided Against Itself Cannot Stand. With all this said, I guess I am the investigator of the family because I never had a problem with asking the complicated questions. We can no longer treat our families like we are the Secret Service...Our families are dying without a clue as to why. What do I mean? I mean do we know why we do the things we do. I want to know the 'Closet Secrets' of my Family!!! Why? So, I will know how to pray and counteract the assaults of the enemy. Things Like: 1. Momma, Did daddy ever cheat on you? 2. If so, how did the two of you get pass the infidelity? 3. Was anyone abusive...emotionally, physically, finanically, psychologically? 4. Was there mental illness in the family? 5. Was there promiscuity in the family? 6. If so, this could explain why several family units have different dads | moms. For those who want to say, this is doing too much or digging into the lineage too much: I say why not? The doctors ask questions to determine what illness or diseases we are prone to suffer. Signed, Needing A Healing for My Soul!!!

Finding Purposes

It's been over three years since I originally set-up this blog. I did so during a domino affect of several life changing occurrences in my life. I'm sure this is not an isolated issue for many people face life altering situations. But, I learned over the last 3-years it's truly all about how one handles the life circumstances, which caused one to want to place their head under a rock, to hide the shame and disgrace. How does life appear to be progressing into one's purpose then all of a sudden there is a 'Negative Suddenly' occurrences. At first, you are unshakable...Looking the enemy in the face telling that situation all things work together for the good of those who are called according to the purposes of God. So, I know that this is just a test...and He's working it out because I know I am called...and I am walking in His ways and purpose.

In 2011, there were so many occurrences I would never thought could or would happen. From the injury of my daughter, to the incarceration of my middle child, to the drastic fallout in the church I was attending. Not falling out, just an awaken on a spiritual level I NEVER would have fathom. I was tired and simply worn out...distressed! The fight was becoming intense...I Felt as Though I was losing, without a recourse to ever recover. And, after all of this, in November 2011 I found myself raising a 5-month old grandchild, whom continues to reside in my home.

The Journey had got REAL...

#Thejourneyisreal  #seekingpurpose  #itslife  #beingsaveddontstoplife

You Have It In You! by Sheryl Brady